Here at Dances With Bass, we strive to be both funny and educational. Consider tonight’s post to fall under the auspices of education. Use what you learn here tonight to deal with whatever ails you. It’s quite the all-purpose reaction. Use it in good health, and depending upon where you “take flight,” make sure that your running shoes are laced up nice and tight, because you’re likely to need to make a quick getaway (and something tells me that you don’t fly nearly so well as your two birdies).

Following are just a few possible uses for this reaction:

• Dealing with a bad break-up? This.
• Your boss got you down? This.
• Is everyone’s on your case from your teacher all the way down to your best girlfriend? I found a way to get out of it. This.
• Your tax refund not what you were expecting? This.
• Your doctor tell you that you need to lose 30 pounds? This.
• You get cut off in traffic? This. (But I think you already knew this one.)
• “The Man” just write you a ticket for going 5 mph over the limit. This. (They love it. Trust me)
• You didn’t get the raise you wanted at work? This.
• The lady with an overloaded grocery cart hustles to get in front of you at the checkout when you just have a box of Tic-Tacs in your hand? This.
• Your husband dumps you after 30 years for a newer model? This.
• You haven’t had a good BM in a week? This. (In this case, the target doesn’t matter. Be indiscriminate.)
• The sweaty dude in front of you on the leg machine leaves the seat feeling like a wet pickle? This.
• You get selected for jury duty. This. (Not at the judge, though, unless you like strip searches and the warm, musty smell of a cellie in the morning.)
• Your wife tries to make you eat kale? This.

While writing this post, I was reminded of a time when I was out on a lunch break at work. I was in the Nora suburb of Indianapolis when standing in the middle of the street was some random dude flying the bird at everyone and everything. And I don’t mean he was standing there in full bird salute with one or both hands. I mean he was doing like the woman depicted in our instructional GIF above was doing. Only he was taking the time to really charge them up before letting them fly, with both hands, in all directions.

I couldn’t decide if he’d lost a bet or just his mind.

In any event, I laughed so hard I nearly rear-ended the car in front of me (which might have resulted in me receiving a few of these from that motorist). People were honking, waving, and laughing at this guy as he wildly sprayed all of Nora with birds. To this day, it remains one of the funniest (and strangest) things I’ve ever witnessed. I’ve wondered whatever happened to this guy. I’ve worried that someone might have taken umbrage at the random bird drop and perhaps cleaned his clock for him. I’ve also wondered if the Nora police eventually came, threw a net on him, and hauled him off to see a judge who likely wouldn’t find the same degree of humor in being shown the bird in his court.

Wherever you are, Random Flyer of Wild Birds Guy, I salute you…not a bird salute…no, no, you are getting my best, Benny Hill Salute of Ultimate Approval. Long may you run, your sweaty, pointy fingers glistening in the sun…