Not what you were expecting, I bet.
You see, donkeys are my spirit animal – not only because they are the patron saint of my preferred political party – but because they are damn hilarious. And think about it, when was the last time you met a donkey who was an ass? Not “ass” as in Equus Africanus Asinus, but “ass” as in Donald Trump or Kanye West. Donkeys are funny, kind, intelligent, and absolutely kill-the-room hysterical.
If I could have a miniaturized donkey familiar who could ride around on my shoulder, I’d do it so long as he brushed daily and wasn’t flatulent like a certain beagle I know.
Without further ado, however, I’d like to share with you my homage to the ass.