This post is about balls. Baseballs. Keep your shorts on. I just finished watching the longest game in World Series history, both in terms of […]

  Here’s a little-known factoid about yours truly: I currently hold the state record for dwarf tossing. What? Don’t roll your eyes like that. You […]

  Here at Dances with Bass Industries, we live in an alternate universe that is a world of never-ending happiness. You can always see the […]

As some of my longtime friends and regular readers (all three of them) know, I’ve long had an imaginary friend named Ned. (And Ned has […]

  Because I am a word nerd, I have several books devoted to idioms and clichés. I often refer to these books—and more often, I just […]

  Note: This post is an expansion of a Facebook post that I wrote sometime back when the G key on my laptop fell off. […]

  I before E, except after C. Even beige caffeinated reindeer who are heirs to feisty, foreign, sheik senseis who deign to sing “Dreidel, Dreidel, […]

  IMPORTANT NOTICE!!! This important dispatch comes from the Dances with Bass Legal Department. Read to the end and share or your miserable lives are […]

  If I wish upon a star—the first one I see tonight—what happens if that particular star is dead and I’m only seeing light from […]

  Friends, I am in the beta-testing phase of a new laptop add-on that will spray a fast-acting anesthetic into the face of any social […]