Sometimes, life’s best advice comes from unusual places. Take, for instance, these gems that have proven to be guiding lights in my confused little world:

• “Face forward with your knees slightly bent and rest your weight on the balls of your feet so that you’re ready to move in any direction.” —My first T-Ball coach, circa 1975. This advice applies to everything. Slogging your way through a tough day work? Bend those knees and be ready to dart. Your spouse about to hand your tuckus to you? Bend ’em, baby!
• “You know what you’re doing? Okay, well be careful then.” —My dad’s sex talk with me, circa 1984. (This was the sum total of the entire talk.) Editor’s note: Unbeknownst to my dad, I’d already received quite an education in sixth grade after my friends and I discovered a stash of dirty magazines that had been tossed out into the woods behind our elementary school playground.  I remember having quite the “discussion” about the salient points of Tab A and Slot B with my friends.
• “We aim to please. You aim, too, please.” —Sign in the employee bathroom at the Sweetser Supermarket where I worked for many years. I like to think that this is the kind of advice that has kept on giving each and every day.
• “Watch out for the crazies.” —My mom’s blanket advice when I was going out. She never fully defined who the crazies were, but I put it together over time, and this advice has served me well (although it’s not been like a force field or anything; some crazies have gotten through my defenses).
• “Happiness is not a fish you can catch.” —The title of an album from Our Lady Peace. These post-grunge Canadian rockers don’t know it, but their wise proverb has served me well over the years because it’s made me realize that happiness isn’t something that you can make happen.
• “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” —Henry Ford. We have this quote on a refrigerator magnet and it’s often referenced when parenting the two miniature Kughens.
• “Run, Forrest, run!” —Jenny’s advice to a young Forrest Gump. I don’t run often, but thanks to Jenny, I know when to do it. And I’m wicked fast.
• “Do you want to fight fair, or do you want to win the fight?” —My dad’s advice to me when showing me how to fight off the bullies who plagued me for a time. His advice was that when you know it’s coming, just get on with it. Don’t wait to get hit because you might not get another shot. Many years later, I laughed out loud when Robin, a character in HBO’s Game of Thrones, complained about Bronn’s dirty fighting tactics that led to the death of his foe—a knight—who fought fairly and died. Robin yelled, “You didn’t fight fair!” Bronn pointed at his dead foe and said, “No, but he did.” You can be the hero or you can win; you can’t always do both. Thanks, Dad. I didn’t fight fair but I stopped losing so much.
• “Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do.” —Title of a 1963 song first recorded by The Exciters, and later popularized by Manfred Mann in 1964. Try this: Next time you are angry or upset, start silently (or out loud if you’re brazen) singing this song. Nothing can withstand its restorative power.
• “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” —Famous quote from writer Charles Bukowski. Don’t believe this is true? Read the comments section on just about any news story and then get back to me.
• “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!” —French soldier, Monty Python & the Holy Grail. This quite possibly is the most indefensible retort one can ever utter. Once said, you win. Trust me.
• “And there is only one thing we say to death. Not today.” —Syrio Florel, from season one of HBO’s adaption of George R.R. Martin’s Game of Thrones. I don’t get into many sword fights these days (bad back and all) but I do find myself whipping out a little Syrio every now and again when I feel challenged. In short, tell death—or whatever boogeyman faces you today—to stick it. You got this.
• “Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it.” —From Norman Maclean’s A River Runs Through It. Try not to think about this when you’re standing waist-deep in a backwoods creek, all alone with the peace wrapping you like a warm blanket.
• “Life gives you plenty of chances to do the wrong thing, but only one chance to do the right thing.” —Rick Kughen, 2014, while giving advice to his teenage daughter on how best to handle a difficult family situation. Why not just do the right thing when you know what that right thing is?
• “Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?” —Captain Oveur (played by Peter Graves) in the 1980 classic movie, Airplane. Use this whenever you need an immediate change of topic. Is your crazy Uncle Steve haranguing you at the holiday dinner table about his love of Donald Trump and won’t shut up no matter how many times you give him the stinkeye? Look him dead in the eye as he yammers on about making America great again, and ask him about movies replete with gladiators. Then, set the house on fire as a distraction—preferably with Uncle Steve still at the table and purely apoplectic about Hillary Clinton.