The Pen of the Gods

Rick Kughen
Greek Gods

 

QUICK! Get Yours While Supplies Last!

FroExpensive effing penm Amazon.com:

The Montegrappa Chaos Limited Edition 18K Gold Rollerball Pen. Sylvester Stallone’s “Chaos” pen is fashioned from precious materials and produced in limited numbers. The body of the pen is made of black pearlized celluloid with overlays in solid 18K gold. The overlays are finished by hand by Montegrappa’s skilled craftsmen and feature an antiqued finish with accents in red and yellow translucent enamel to represent the colors of fire. The pen design is characterized by the juxtaposition of life and death; with reptiles representing the early forms of life on Earth, and the skull signifying death. The ultimate defining detail, bearing both a fist and a skull, is the pen’s clip in the form of a sword.

The “Chaos” pen is the first from the “Cult” collection and is available as a limited edition of 100 roller balls in solid 18K gold. Order yours here!

I don’t know about you, but if I’m going to pay $69,350 for an ink pen, it better come with the following items:

  • A death ray laser beam option that instantly vaporizes my foes. 
  • The gift of immortality so long as the pen is in my possession.
  • A clicker that allows me to teleport to the location of my choosing.
  • X-ray vision.
  • Omniscience – I want to know everything that ever was or ever will be.
  • The ability to shoot lightning bolts from, well, you know…
  • Psionic powers that allow me to crush the heads of my enemies like tin cans. (I am crushing your head!)
  • One’a them clicker deals that lets you change ink colors.

Give me all that, oh Omas Limited Edition Phoenix Plated Fountain Pen With Diamonds, and I will gladly fork over 69,000 clams for you. Fortunately, free shipping is included in the price.

For fun, go read the reviews on Amazon. There are some funny people out there—not as funny as me, but funny.

(A note regarding this post’s main image: the Gibblies of the Gods were edited for decency.)

 

About Rick Kughen

Rick Kughen is a writer, editor, and fishing bum who lives in Kokomo, Indiana with his lovely wife Charlotte, children Alexa and Eric, a flatulent beagle, two devious cats, his imaginary friend, Ned, and Ned's imaginary dog, Steve. He is a former Executive Editor for Pearson Education in Indianapolis, IN, where he worked for 19 years. He's now a full-time freelance writer and editor; he and Charlotte own and operate The Wordsmithery, a freelance editorial company. In a previous life, he was a newspaper reporter and columnist covering police and criminal courts news. He is a fine graduate of Ball State University where he moonlighted as a student. Kughen is an avid fisherman, writer, fly tyer, bait manufacturer, and baseball card collector. He is a devoted fan of both the Green Bay Packers and Cincinnati Reds, and of course, he is an incurable audiophile. He is the superhero known as Adjective Man (action figures sold separately). Kughen also answers to "Editor Boy," but only because he appears to have no choice.

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